Wippo: Starring Darren “Banjo” Bent, in which last night’s England team scraped a barely deserved draw but could have won had it not been for Banjo’s ineptitude against a team whose best defender was Phillipe Senderos, a centre half with all the mobility of a lamp post.
The first mystery was the missing Ashley Young from the motley crew that ran out at the start of the game. Instead we get Fat Frank, who rivals Senderos for lithe athleticism. One can only surmise that Young has expressed his loathing of pasta to Beaker, or maybe Frank gives….no, don’t go there, it is Sunday after all.
The Swiss, easily the better team in the first half and apart from a decent start by England soon got the better of our tired centre back pairing, who should by now have been long retired and replaced by two of Jagielka/Dawson/Cahill in my ‘umble opinion. Cashley had to be subbed early on to be replaced by Baines who had a half decent game after a nervy start during which he was kicked up in the air twice by their right back, and Baines made a major contribution to our first goal.
The hosts of FIFA that, FIFA this went two up thanks to two free kicks from the lyrically monickered Tranquillo Barnetta, who sounds more like the latest Lamborghini model than a footballer. The previously solid Joe Hart had little chance with the first as Wilshere kindly moved out of the two man wall so that Barnetta could have a better sight of the far corner, but I have to say he was at fault for the second and should have done better. The second of those free kicks was given away by Fat Frank, who should be retired too by now. I often feel that away from the real class that surrounds them both at Stamford Bridge, Terry and Lampard look woefully short of ability when exposed in the England team. Ho-hum.
Lumpard made amends with a penalty given after Wilshere, who apart from his defending duties did alright, had run the length of the pitch to be up ended by Djourou. Incidentally it says something when we can’t beat a defence dominated by Arsenal alumni doesn’t it?
"Io sono un ape e mi sarete pungiglione" - Beaker talks bollocks
Capello probably talked his usual unintelligible gibberish at the break, but with the crowd’s derision ringing in his ears, at least he put Young on for Frank, at last.Young’s early goal via a nice pass from Wilshere(?) and Baines’ chest, and indeed his performance only goes to show that Capello hasn’t really got a clue.
Were it not for Montengro, a country the size of Rushden, only managing a draw last night, England would be looking at the play offs. I’m sure not looking forward to the away game in deepest Northants…err former Yugoslavia.
Texting with Clive through the game brought forth suggestions of Bent’s sexual proclivities, and that he was “£24m of shite”, although Clive thought I was talking about his dinner. What does this man eat? Tomatoes encrusted with gold from Blatter’s puckered anus I shouldn’t wonder. Oh, and we also pondered on whether or not Ingerland would ever win anything in our lifetimes. Well, I’m 14 2/3rds, and Clive is 12 3/4 so I bloody well hope so!
Clive: So England were tired. That was the explanation for the piss poor performance against Switzerland at Wembley on Saturday. Bless their poor hearts; they only had 2 weeks rest before this important Euro 2012 Qualifier. Fortunately, Montenegro – long considered one of the best teams in, um, Montenegro – could only draw with Bulgaria, meaning that Flabio Cappello’s team are still top of their group with 3 matches to play. Woo and indeed Hoo.
The English public need to accept a few things; the team they blindly follow isn’t going to win a rubber duck let alone a major football tournament. Jack Wilshere – the future of English football © wouldn’t be good enough to get into a major Champions League club (yes, I know he plays for Arsenal, so I rest my case); he wouldn’t get on Barcelona’s bench, and yes, he ran around a lot yesterday – reminding me of the glory days when Kevin Keegan ‘managed’ England and got England back into the game by winning a penalty at 0-2. Darren Bent couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo from 6 inches at this level and that is indicative of most of England’s footballers – they are not World Class™ nor are they likely to become World Class™ any time soon.
Rooney, Gerrard and um… er… Very few English footballers could be classed as World Class™ and those that are become crushed by the weight of expectation. This woeful performance against the Swiss just compounds my thoughts from last week – we don’t want to be involved in international football and many of our ‘top class’ players should consider retirement from internationals. Our top clubs should be offering their star players million pound bonuses to refuse to play for their countries. International football would be a better place if it was left to the amateurs and semi-professionals. We’d still be crap, but at least we can hold our hands up and accept this fact without rigorous post mortems every time they fail to do anything apart from humiliate themselves.
Wippo: Clive is not a happy bunny is he?
Clive: Is it that obvious?
sportdiscuss 