Where you hear it here last, but with added guff…
Football
Wippo: Apparently Usain Bolt, the world’s coolest sports dude, wants to be a footballer when he retires from athletics and he reckons he’s good enough to play for Man Utd. Not short of confidence this lad, is he? You can picture the scene as Usain disappears into the opponent’s half with the ball, looks up, Rooney is nowhere to be seen, being hampered by the added drag caused by having had all his pubes transplanted on to his balding pate, leaving our hero wondering what to do next. Clive?
Clive: I’m surprised Rooney’s not been called a girl.
Bolt? He smoka to mucha da ganja.
Wippo: Imagine how fast he’d be if he stopped smokin’ spliff??
Wippo: The Shite continue to almost single handedly keep up the ludicrous folly that is the obscenely over-priced transfer malarkey merry-go-round with the imminent signing of Jordan Henderson for a frankly unbelievable £20m, a cool million for every year the lad has been on the planet, having already spent £35m on The Lummox© from the £50m they conned out of the Russian for the broken Spanish hairdresser. Henderson shows promise admittedly, but £20m ferchrissakes? What on earth would a proven midfielder be worth then? Blue Bill must be rubbing his hands together at the prospect of prising at least £15m from Ol’ Beetroot Face for Jack Rodwell.
Clive: Some call it investment. Others call it folly. All I have to say is: Mark Hateley. Nuff said.
Cricket
Wippo: The combined height of England’s pace attack in the last Test against Sri Lanka was nineteen foot seven. It rained a fair bit. Nothing else happened.
Clive: I had a nice curry tonight. The Indians are coming!
Cycling
Wippo: Clive and I, along with our better halves and not forgetting CJT and Chrees Waddle attend a weekly pub quiz. Every week there is a sport round, and as I am the only team member who actually knows what a bicycle looks like (yes Clive I know you’ve got one gathering dust in the shed, but it made me laugh when you advertised it on Fuckbook to anyone “who needs to be thin”) any questions cycling related are referred to me. OK, I watch Le Tour and this year even took in a bit of the Giro, but that’s about it. I had no idea there is a warm up race for Le Tour called Le Dauphiné Libéré, roughly translated as Free Princess. Well I never!
Clive: Free Princess? I wouldn’t have one if you paid me; rubbish cars.
Tennis
Wippo: Almost man Andy Murray is letting everyone know in advance of limping out of the Wimbledon QFs that it’s his ankle playing up; not the fact that he is not quite good enough. Judging by his hair has he enough to give to Wazza for a curly perm?
Clive: Tennis players make me sick with all their fitness levels and ability, money and stuff. They should be made to play with exploding tennis balls.
sportdiscuss 